Today was a productive day. But at the end of it all, I was agitated. Many of the details associated with a loved one's death are painful and stressful.
At 6 PM, my sister and I met my mother for pedicures. I sat there, anxious, while my feet soaked in the water and the chair massaged me. All of a sudden, a feeling of peace washed over me.
I *had* to let it go. I was getting a pedicure. What was the point if I couldn't enjoy it? This is life. If I can't enjoy a pedicure, I'm not doing a good job of being alive. Slowly, with each massaging motion of the chair and with each little bit of work on my feet that transformed them from ugly to cute, I relaxed. I smiled. I was happy.
I was happy I could be happy. Plus, my feet look MUCH better.
I think it is not an exaggeration to say that I had a spiritual awakening of sorts in the pedicure chair today. Silly. But true. I feel more awake. I feel more at ease with the world and all of its harshness. Bad things happen. But so do pedicures.
As a bonus, I made a food discovery. I asked the salon owner if there was any good vietnamese food in my very suburban hometown. Here in whitey-ville, I'm surrounded by friends and family and I'm where I'm supposed to be given all of the stuff I need to be handling. But, I can't help craving the culinary diversity of my more metropolitan life in the bay area.
Imagine my shock when she informed me that there was a new vietnamese restaurant that had just opened and that it was *good*. Sis and I took Mom to experienc pho for the first time tonight. We followed the advice of the salon owner and discovered a delicious vietnamese deli/grocery/restaurant. Still in the euphoria of the pedicure, I savored the whole experience as divine intervention and enjoyed my meal to the fullest.
All in all, I'm finding this process surprising. I find deep sorrow in surprising nooks and crannies where I least expect it. And, I find comfort in equally strange places.