Like a Child
Yesterday, I left work a bit earlier than usual. It was before 5 PM, but I had an obligation to attend.
The assistant who sits closest to me laughed and said, "Sometimes partner X comes by looking for you after you are gone. Would you like me to tell him where you are?" I told her where I was going, then I continued on my way to tell my assistant where I was going (which I had been going to do when she interrupted me).
I then spent 20 minutes fuming on my drive. No matter how innocently she meant her remark, I couldn't help but take it as criticism. I couldn't help but internalize it and ask myself if it was okay that I was leaving to take part in this organization (that will, mind you, be good for my career in the long run). I couldn't help but ask myself when I usually leave the office and if people are keeping tabs on my facetime.
I don't work in an environment where people keep tabs on facetime. It is acknowledged that people work at home and shift their work schedules to what fits their lifestyle.
But still, for one moment there, I felt like a child being reprimanded. I'm pretty sure it's internal and not the way she said it. I'm fairly certain it's related to the feeling that I'm failing all the time.
I talked myself down from the wall and by the time I arrived at my engagement I was fine. But geez...I can only imagine how strong my self-censure would be if I was at a place that actually was ready to reprimand my efforts to have a balanced life.