November 18, 2010

When Help Isn't

True help is in the form of something offered by a donor and accepted by the receiver.

Ideally, the receiver may have even requested the help in a clear way, with an understanding that there was no obligation for it to be provided.

Unrequested aid is often the opposite of help. It often causes damage, both to the receiver and the person who spent time and effort trying to solve a problem without full understanding.

I just found myself the recipient of some unrequested "help" (that I was not given the opportunity to accept or reject) and now have quite a mess to clean up.

Definitely not helpful in the least bit.


Arvay said...

Brava. I need to send this to my mother, but she'd be *very* offended.

bt said...

Yes. Mothers of adults seem particularly predisposed to offering this type of help. But it happens everywhere, I find.

There are people who specialize in needing help but refusing to admit they need it or ask for it and instead creating ridiculous situation.

There are also people who specialize in saving people when they appear as if they be stuck (even if they are faking it, or perhaps just moving through a rough patch).

If you are neither of these, encountering either of them is quite trying.

Arvay said...

The irony of this occurring in the mother vs. adult child relationship is that sometimes, to preserve smoothness in the relationship, it's best to just accept the "help" and clean up after it later. You have to think of it as doing the mother a kindness, and of the highest kind--the kind you can't expect any gratitude for!