September 28, 2013

Dear Dad

I'm sure you know, but I feel the need to write and record that I felt you out there today.

The feeling was strong.

Launching the boat, I could hear you saying what a nice boat ramp and docking station they had.  (It was the nicest put-in I'd ever seen up close.)  It didn't hurt that E said many of the things you would have said about the facilities.

The weather, of course, was amazing, as was the water -- glassy, no swells, seriously gorgeous.  J & E2 commented on how it's *never* this nice at 9 AM.  And, of course, I couldn't help but think that yet again, you and papa (and now gran, too, most likely -- although she probably grumped about the fishing being the reason we were all communing) were pulling weather for me.

I told E and E2 and J that I felt so close to you.  I'm sure you knew my grin was almost painful with its expansive growth upon each amazing wildlife brush:  The guy on the Jetty who caught the huge Salmon -- yeah, I felt you smiling and congratulating him.  The first seal?  Yeah, that one too.  The second and third and forth seal/sea lions?  Finally, I just started to relax and enjoy my wide-mouth grin -- it was going to be *that* kind of day.  There were geese, seagulls, sea lions, seals, sea otters, dolphins and more...

It wasn't until the flock of geese went directly overhead our boat and I heard the "whoosh-whoosh-whoosh" of their flapping wings that I realized you had made an effort to join me in a way I couldn't possibly ignore.  I had to speak up and explain that I half-expected to hear the shotgun as the next refrain in that long-held song...

I heard it in my head and heart.

I love and miss you.

And I had such an amazing day today, dad.  But you know that.  You saw the dolphins blowing their blowholes.  In fact, now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure you've met J's dad, and you guys were hanging out pulling weather and wildlife and inviting any other fishermen up there to add their effort to make sure our day was amazing (J would have loved a salmon, FYI...).

I'm almost certain you took this opportunity because you knew that the hand blender you gave me 10+ years ago would choose today to die.  On any other day, I would be sad, distraught, and frustrated by the end of your gift's functionality.

But today, after feeling so close to you (and papa and gran), it's okay.

So thanks, Dad.  I know you loved the day on the bay today.  I did too - I loved spending time with friends, nature, DNR, the CA environmental surveyists, and random strangers on the dock -- it was a day you would have celebrated and I did my best to do the same.  You probably pulled some tricks to make it better than it otherwise would have been, and I'm very appreciative -- I want you to know that I feel so lucky and loved to know that you're taking care of me from afar.

With love,
Your daughter   


Miss E. said...

Such a beautiful post!

L.A. Runner said...

Very beautiful. I'm sorry for your loss, but glad you are able to feel his presence in such a meaningful way.

Arvay said...



I hope you are enjoying a peaceful Sunday, my friend