May 5, 2006

Connect the dots? Doubt it.

Post-final, I'm useless. I can't speak very well, can't think, can't function really. And that's normally, after doing what I can to soften the blows. Today's experiment, where I woke at 5:50 AM to drive to school the morning of a final did not succeed. I'm very happy that I knew myself well enough to insist that I reserve a hotel room before every morning final until now.

Today? Yeah, it was just reassurance that the money wasn't wasted all those other morning finals and money spent for rooms at the 3-star with the mostest. It's funny how much I'm going to associate Ramada with my law school experience. I'm also going to associate the tenderloin and the Renoir, but I think, when I think back, I'll remember faded glory, gorgeous redwood accent molding and support structures, crystal chandeliers dying to be polished and, in general, waiting to cross 21st century rights of passage in a 20th century environment (only with electricity and plumbing with hot water and more recently, free wireless, and all of that).

Back to Focus. This AM, at the end of the exam, BT was thanking the gods that this was a 2 unit final because come the 3rd hour, BT would have been asleep. I can't get up that early and function for long periods of time on end. This almost falling asleep on the way home was AFTER the emergency coffee I ran down and purchased just 5 minutes before the exam began. Mind you, I am NOT a coffee addict. I'd had my 2 diet cokes and I should have been fine. But I could tell, the old brain and body, they were *pissed* that I'd decided to go cheap and sleep at home with only a short yoga workout to put me to sleep at 11:30 PM. Sorry... Geez. I won't do it again. Seriously. I have no more AM finals. I've spent my last night at the Ramada for law school, and that, my friends, is something to celebrate.

In the comedy category, given how I'm useless after finals, I figured it would be a good idea to schedule a lunch with a partner I worked for in the past after my Venture Capital Law final today. I had a glass of wine and was opening my 2nd piece of mail when he arrived. It was an odd lunch. Sometimes I think I have an odd effect on people. If you ask me what's going on in my life, I'm going to tell you. You're going to hear about my dad, how school doesn't seem that important and how I'm not super concerned about the bar, because really, I'd rather spend time with my dad than study, which means, in this state, I'll probably fail.

The partner was honest: "you may want to think twice about taking it. People will always wonder if you say, 'I failed the first time because I was taking care of my dad.' But they'll never question it if you just say, 'I didn't take it in July because of my dad.'"

Damn. Sometimes I forget how competitive this field can be. I doubt it will change my behavior but who knows? My plan is to study when I feel like it, spend as much time with my dad as I can, and unless there's a really good reason, sit for the exam that I've already paid for. The way I see it, if I don't sit, I can't pass in November. If I sit, I might. Apparently, this gamble isn't viewed well in the field. Whatever. I'm over it. I'm just not buying into it. So shoot me.

In celebration of cinco de mayo, I made a cheese-chile-souflée. How could I avoid putting my Amazon Super Store Swag to work? I finished a final, and put myself on reprieve 'til tomorrow. 2.5 sticks of butter, milk, condensed milk, spices, 6 eggs, 1 pound of cheese, 2 jalapeños; (including a seed eating contest between E & L, you can imagine how well that went) and various other ingredients combined into deliciousness. Next time, I'll go lighter on the butter. But overall, delicious, if nothing close to nutritious. Did I metion that "next time" will be next cinco de mayo at the earliest?

Finally, a friend of my brother's recently ran into him and said he hadn't looked that happy in 10 years. The wife of the friend asked what had happened to him because she'd never seen him look so good. I knew he'd made some changes but didn't realize they were such a long time coming. I'm happy he's so happy. I'm sad it took him so long. I'm sad I didn't realize they were so necessary. I can't wait to see him this weekend and share the happiness with him.

Enough. Dots splattered. Sorry. Stream of consciousness was too much work, so you get this tripe. Apologies.

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