February 14, 2004

Ahhh... Freakout (duh-da-duh-da-duh)

I think I've been building up to my first official law school freak out for the last few days. I'm feeling VERY overwhelmed and incapable of getting ahead. How frustrating it is to be so typically a law student.

This morning I woke with acid reflux and a speedy pulse at 7 AM after going to bed at 2 AM. I couldn't sleep (the acid reflux was the main reason and I can blame the late night zinfandel, but anxiety didn't help). I finished my FAFSA, taxes, and a few other things, went for a 3 mile run and started to make a list of everything I need to accomplish on this long weekend.

I thought that crossing the stuff off my list would help. But, it didn't really. I can see where I'd like to get out of the water, but I'm swimming upstream and the beach is obstinately staying put and drifting further away depending on how much strength I can muster that day.

Friday, I realized that 2/3 of the grades on my transcript for this year come at the end of this semester. I think that may have been the final straw on top of much more school work than last semester, worrying about money, pretending not to worry about my health (MRI results should clear that one out of the picture by the middle of next week), trying to maintain a workout schedule, planning on staying near school one night a week, aranging my summer job and research project, extra-curricular club fundraisers, acting as a mock witness for the local bar's deposition training (which was an awesome experience), and trying to maintain some semblance of a relationship with E, friends, and family.

I hope that my inability to sleep this morning was the apex of my ridiculousness. But I fear that I may not be. I know worrying doesn't help, who doesn't? But, biology is a rough mistress. Too much adrenaline is not a good thing. I know I need to keep things in perspective. But, honestly kids, sometimes it's a little hard.

Here's to hoping that a romantic night with E and a day of no law will set me straight.

No comments: