Disappointment

Disappointment, when it involves neither shame nor loss, is as good as success; for it supplies as many images to the mind, and as many topics to the tongue. --Samuel Johnson

Oh, I wanted it so badly. But, it appears that I was clairvoyant about my failure to make the team.

I was not one of the people who got a friendly phone call inviting me to join a moot court team today. Most of the calls came during school hours, which was very nerve-wracking. The early acceptees were excited, and you could tell by the huge grins and quiet questions of whether you'd been called yet that they wanted to share. For them, it must have been tough for most of us hadn't received a call. Predictably, as the hours wore on, more and more people received calls and those of us who hadn't slowly let our hopes dissolve.

I'm very bummed and somewhat confused. What happened? How could I excel in my moot court class, want it so much, and yet, somehow, not be selected? Even with my lack of preparation and stumble, the feedback in the interview and my gut told me I was still decent enough to earn a spot. I feel betrayed by my own sense of hope (which, despite my attempts at banishment, insists on holding out in a corner until the absolute rejection arrives). Thankfully, I don't have much time to focus on this.

Finals are around the corner. Got to get cracking.

Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better. --Samuel Beckett